You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
