We're facebook friends in real life
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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