i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
