Your face is a jimmy john
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The adults are the big ones right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
