you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
