I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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