Plan B is the new Plan A
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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