Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
