why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
