the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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