I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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