You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
