I wish I could punch you in the face.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
