what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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