dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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