the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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