Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
