just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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