she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize