After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
