this beer tastes like vomit already
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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