I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
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