you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
