508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
