is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
