after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just high enough for therapy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
