You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
