grandma shit on top of the toilet
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize