is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
