What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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