i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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