Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
