God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
