Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
