How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize