Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
