And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
