If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
