You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize