There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
