It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize