don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
