new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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