R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You smell like stripper and shame
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
