WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
