He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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