we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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