I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The air taste purple.
Randomize
