I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize