Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
