brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im calling her cock vulture from now on
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
